just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Holy shit dude........stairs
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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