It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
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WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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