ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize