So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
