it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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