Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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