Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
two words: eviction party
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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