Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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