I wish I could teleport
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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