Yo dont text me then not text me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Randomize
