At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
