Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
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