I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
