so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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