I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
