i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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