i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
