Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
