Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
