i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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