Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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