I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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