She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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