so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
