Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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