I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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