hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
