i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
