I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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