You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I love you.
Bad choice
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