I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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