i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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