And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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