glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
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Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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