Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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