you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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