I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
