The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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