if we break up, who will get the dealer?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
