Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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