So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize