I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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