The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
