Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
