I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
