Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
