I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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