You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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