he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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