I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
