id be glad to
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
