So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
