it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm too high and old for this...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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