Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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