I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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