i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER