I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i barfeds in our rink
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We were destined to go to rehab together
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
