Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank

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  (516): I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank http://tfl.nu/rnlw
  Replies (22) Good night (782) Bad night (1987)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

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  (704): I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum. http://tfl.nu/041y
  Replies (11) Good night (629) Bad night (2789)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college

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  (401): im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college http://tfl.nu/hik3
  Replies (48) Good night (2232) Bad night (4095)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?

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  (731): We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country? http://tfl.nu/p4z6
  Replies (37) Good night (4713) Bad night (1237)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.

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  (412): For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events. http://tfl.nu/5o8b
  Replies (11) Good night (4314) Bad night (1364)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  I'll google it

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  (908): You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time (1-908): I'll google it http://tfl.nu/bsan
  Replies (22) Good night (5152) Bad night (1790)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (11126) Bad night (1377)
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  (661): View more from California

  Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.

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  (661): Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me. http://tfl.nu/1wv6
  Replies (17) Good night (6635) Bad night (1159)
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  (805): View more from California

  Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?

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  (805): Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement? http://tfl.nu/mmb3
  Replies (21) Good night (4189) Bad night (1140)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.

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  (313): I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time. http://tfl.nu/vomf
  Replies (13) Good night (3198) Bad night (1272)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.

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  (774): After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs. http://tfl.nu/szq4
  Replies (17) Good night (739) Bad night (3038)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.

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  (501): He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now. http://tfl.nu/buy8
  Replies (4) Good night (817) Bad night (2169)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.

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  (865): I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend. http://tfl.nu/e59a
  Replies (7) Good night (1192) Bad night (403)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  But doesn't your shift end at like noon?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I don't think you understand.

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  (540): I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work. (703): But doesn't your shift end at like noon? (540): I don't think you understand. http://tfl.nu/n6r0
  Replies (3) Good night (1058) Bad night (314)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Can you bring me the toilet please

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  (802): Can you bring me the toilet please http://tfl.nu/af5u
  Replies (2) Good night (636) Bad night (435)

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