he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
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So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.