Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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