I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
