Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
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Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts