You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
