Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
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Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.