you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How do u even exfoliate your vagina