I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
