Apparently you make a good broom.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now