was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD